Ask the question, say the thing

I did an Improv for Life class through Improvolution in NYC last week called Confidence Through Play—a mix of improv games and coaching. It was a lot of fun. And it got me thinking about the power of words. In particular, the power of using our words instead of keeping them to ourselves.

Speaking up is a gift

We were discussing generosity as a way to practice confidence. In improv, we are generous when we make our partner look good—when we set them up for success. Framing things this way can make it easier to put ourselves out there.

I started thinking about how, in life or at work, we can be generous by speaking up to set others up for success: When we ask a question, it's a gift to those who have the same question. When we say something unsaid, it's a gift to those who are thinking the same thing. Speaking up is also a gift when it introduces a new idea or question that helps the group shift perspective.

Speaking up connects us with others

When I was getting my masters, my professor Tal Ben-Shahar frequently reminded us of this quote from Carl Rogers, to encourage us to get out of our comfort zone and to share our personal ideas and perspectives:

"What is most personal is most universal."

It's easy to get stuck in our heads, thinking that our private thoughts and experiences—the things that go unsaid—won't resonate with others. But in actuality, when we're vulnerable and share, our personal stories are often the things that help us connect with others most deeply.

When you speak up about things that feel isolating, others see themselves in what you say and feel a little less alone. And it's a reinforcing loop: when other people tell you that what you've shared resonated, you feel less isolated, too.

It can be hard to be vulnerable and share your innermost thoughts and feelings. But once you do it becomes easier and easier—especially if you can remind yourself that by sharing you are impacting others in a positive way, too.

Speaking up leads to innovation

In her very-worth-watching TED Talk, Building a psychologically safe workplace, Amy Edmondson discusses what we miss out on when we don't speak up:

"Every time we withhold, we rob ourselves and our colleagues of small moments of learning. And we don't innovate. We don't come up with new ideas. We are so busy managing impressions that we don't contribute to creating a better organization."

When we speak up to share ideas, when we ask clarifying questions, when we put words to what we're thinking, we contribute to taking things to the next level.

In a Config 2025 talk called How top designers find their path and creative spark, designer Kevin Twohy shared a great exercise for making space for everyone to have their voice heard in large group meetings.

Twohy says, "At the end of one of these big meetings, you have everyone in the meeting go into the chat and type but not send the thing that is the loudest in their mind at that moment... Everyone writes it, you wait, and then everyone hits send all at once.

"What you get is a couple dozen individual, personal points of view... And it's amazing how often what we thought the takeaway from the meeting was does not show up here at all, how often there was a hidden consensus, and how often within one of these things is the exact spark you need to push the work."

Speaking up creates a safe space for others

In Edmondson's TED Talk, she shares some tips for creating an environment at work where people feel comfortable sharing. It turns out that one way is by sharing more yourself. Not talking for talking's sake, but being vulnerable and putting yourself out there. She suggests some ways to do this:

• Acknowledge that you don't know everything. If you vocalize that you may miss something or that you might be wrong, it helps others feel comfortable speaking up, too. I used to work with someone who often started a thought with "I'm happy to be wrong," inviting others to share differing perspectives.
• Model curiosity by asking a lot of questions. When leaders in the room are comfortable asking questions, it makes others feel more comfortable asking questions. And Edmondson also points out that asking questions "actually creates a necessity for voice."

Speaking up quiets rumination

Last week some professional buddies and I were chatting on WhatsApp about those times when you read into things and overthink yourself into thinking that everyone's mad or that you're doing something wrong. I mentioned that this happens to me more than I'd like to admit. A member of the group (shoutout Mike!) shared some priceless advice:

"One of the principles I've embraced over the past year is that just asking is the most reliable route to an answer."

I can't even count the number of times I've ruminated for hours or days about something, only to find that a quick question or short conversation cleared everything up! This was a good reminder that just asking the question or starting the conversation is the quickest route to getting out of your head—and usually finding out that what you thought was a big deal wasn't at all.

When you're doing improv, you don't have time to think about the perfect thing to say. You just speak and trust that the group will build on it. That's why I've been trying improv: to get better at this myself. And I'm sharing this here because I hope it inspires you to speak up, too, which inspires someone else to speak up, which inspires someone else, and on and on...